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Brad Williams's Blog

  • The word "midget" might be banned by FCC.

    Current mood:amused

    Ok. For those who don't know. The group Little People of America (LPA) is getting together and trying to ban the word "Midget" from all radio and television broadcast. I have been getting a ton of e-mail about my opinion on this so I figure I would fire off a blog and answer it all. 

    I don't want to the word banned. I'm in a minority because as a dwarf so many of my fellow ankle-punchers hate this word. Their argument is that the word "midget" is just as bad as the "n-word" in reference to black people. Whoa. Really? Listen, when someone says the n-word your body tenses up and a rush of images come to your head of boats, chains, firehoses, dogs, Rosa Parks, lynching, whips, and Flava Flav. What comes to your head when you hear the word "midget?" Happiness. Cotton Candy, cheesy organ music, and laughter. Do not compare the struggle of the dwarf to that of the black man. We were not forced to come here on boats. (it was one canoe but who is counting?) Also, when you ban a word you are giving the word power. I don't want the word banned, then I get into an argument with someone and they feel they have this word they can throw out and win the argument. Words do not have that much power. If you call me a midget, I don't all of a sudden start talking in a high voice and hide a pot of gold. If you call a Mexican a "wetback" he doesn't immediately jump a fence and start picking strawberries yelling "CHINGA SU MADRE!" Why give a word power? 

    Most people when they say the word "midget" are not trying to be hateful. They just don't know what word to say. Dwarf and Little Person are the PC terms but I don't think those are the right words. When you say dwarf you think of Snow White and the dude who had an ax in Lord of the Rings. When you say Little Person, you think of a Mexican. (dude they are some short mofos) When you say midget, everyone knows exactly what you are talking about. I'm going to continue to say the word "midget" in my act. If dwarfs get mad at me and they march at my shows trying to get me banned. Awesome. I'll park a hot dog cart in front of them and block out 30 of the little guys. Actually I would invite them all in to watch my act for free. Because I feel my act sends a positive message about dwarfs. One word is not going to define my act and it will certainly not define me as a person. As a dwarf, I'm begging the FCC to not ban this word because I feel it will hurt more than it will help. 
  • What does a douchebag look like?

    One of my favorite insults is Douchebag. It is just awesome to say. Bonus points go to people who I call Douchecock or Doucheschnozzle. But a friend asked me the other day, "Brad, what is a douchebag?" I thought about it, then went to my closet and proceeded to put on the most douch outfit I could imagine. Here you go.




    Photobucket




    Lets go head to toe on this one.

    1) Hat. A douchebag will almost always wear a hat. But never just straight on. It will either be cocked to the side or worn backwards. You know, to stop the right side of their face or the back of their neck from getting sunburned.
    2) Sunglasses. A douchebag normally wears sunglasses....indoors....There are only two circumstances where sunglasses indoors are considered not Douchey. If you are listening to the song "I wear my sunglasses at night" by Corey Hart, or you are Jack Nicholson. That's it. Period.
    3) Ethnicity. Douchebags are white. Lets face it. But some white people come to be a douchebag easier than other white people. If you are Italian from Long Island. More than likely you are a douchebag and you have large obstacles to overcome to make sure you are not. Sorry New York but its true.
    4) Shirt. A designer shirt with no sleeves=Douche. Also in the douche category: Ed Hardy Shirts, Affliction, Tapout, Xtreme Couture. Now does wearing these clothes automatically make you a douche, no. But it points you in a very douchey direction.
    5) Pants. Douchebags love shorts. Douchebags apparently think they have great legs. Also notice the belt buckle. If you are a douche it has to be HUGE. Now exceptions to the rule if you are from Texas. If you are from Texas you are expected to wear belt buckles the size of your head and its still considered cool.
    6) Shoes. Douchebags love flip-flops. They live for them. Douchebags will talk about the UFC 24/7 and how they are training in Muy-Thai but they will continue to wear footwear that makes it impossible to fight. Listen, if a fight goes down and you say to your chick "Baby, hold my flip-flops." You're getting Chris Brown'ed that day.

    Bonus Doucheyness: Notice that Family Guy is on in the background. Douche. If you own UFC greatest hits DVDs or workout gear. Douche. If you have ever said the sentence "Do you know what my father does?" Douche. If you are white and refer to your girlfriend as "my boo". Douche. If you use tanner or bronzer. Douche. Burn, peel, tan, and get cancer like a man ya pussy. 

    If you read this blog and thought "I disagree with everything you wrote here." Seriously, kill yourself. Seriously. And now that you know what a douchebag is, continue to use the insult freely. Adios, mofos.
  • Zack Morris on the Jimmy Fallon show

    I'll admit...I haven't been watching the Jimmy Fallon show that much. I'm still kinda bitter at Fallon for being the guy who always looked directly into the camera and laughed at his own dumbness on SNL but I will give credit where credit is due...this was an AWESOME bit...enjoy

  • Brad Williams on Jimmy Kimmel Live

    Here is a video of my recent appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Enjoy!

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